shieng

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2012-02-09T23:40:00.001+08:00

I've been playing Minesweeper non stop for almost 2 weeks ever since I installed it because of watching Numb3rs. I ditched Temple Run for it, before this I was crazy about Temple Run. I'm sorry games, I can't spread my game attention to two, I'm a loyal gamer. Lmao! Every time I'm playing Minesweeper, people will stare at me and ask me "how this game works?" They actually stare at me as though Minesweeper is some crazy game, brainstorm level equals with plotting on taking over the Earth. Makes me feel so smart, I'm sorry, I rarely get that feeling so let me enjoy it while I still can. Haha! And now I'm going to proceed to Mario! Bored of Minesweeper already :D

Ticking

2012-02-09T02:08:00.001+08:00

Sleeping at 7am and wakes up at 4pm, almost everyday, for almost 2 weeks. I need to fix my biological clock. No, I actually tried, forced myself to sleep at 1am on Saturday and ended up with zero hour of sleep that day. Aunty gave me a sleeping pill and I slept at 2pm. FML! I really want to fix my sleeping time, I don't want to live like this. I've been thinking maybe the reason I can't sleep early is because I didn't use up my energy? Probably due to the fact that my usual daily routine involve a lot of sitting and lying down. So, I took the effort to move a lot today, but Bloodyhell I still can't sleep now. What do you want from me? Give me the bloody sleeping dust or whatsoevermagicalstuff! Sigh, such cranky and angry child. (shakes head) Goodnight ugly world.

Harror

2012-02-05T03:12:00.002+08:00

A picture of me years ago, when in my mind I is above everything, LMAO! Nothing is more important than feeding myself and chasing for the Yuen's chicken wings. Those overrated wings which I always lose in the snatching battle! Pfft! Anyway, I'm here to waste some time, shit some shits. -.-! In 18 days, I'll be in Jakarta. In 21 days, I'll be in Melbourne. In 22 days, I'll start class, my last semester if everything goes smoothly *fingers crossed*. I'm still in the holiday mood, summer break is too long for anyone, bloodyhell I chill for 3 months and suddenly I'm thrown into the study world again. SIGH! Y U NO give me 6 months alternate break, like an even numbered months break. I prefer odd number tho, because 9 is an odd number. Heh. Yes, if the future me gets to be a President or Prime Minister or maybe The Queen of any country, that will be my first rule! WTF VOTE FOR ME! Then after that, I'll announce, "BAZINGA! Work 365 days MY MINIONS!" Enough of bull shit. Nowadays, my life is all about Minesweeper, 9Gag and TV. BITCHYOUHAZNOLIFE! I don't want to talk to myself anymore, -.-! I find you annoying, shut up Shieng. okbaaai!

Arsenal

2012-01-11T21:24:00.003+08:00

Things change, nothing lasts forever, applies to all those things around me now. Especially my nail colours and my hair! T.T! Three tone of black, red and platinum blonde had turned into black, dark brown and light brown. WHAT IS THIS? HAIR COLOUR, Y U NO STAY ON MY HAIR FOREVER?! I'm so pampered, been home for just a month and I've done nothing useful to the family. Maybe except painting the living room for ONE day. Better than nothing? D:

Uprising

2012-01-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

Dear Sim Ann,

I'm finally done and leaving, trust me. I really feel better now. I can feel the old me is coming back, but milder, no worries. ((: I'm glad you're around when I needed someone. I know I'm a big failure when it comes to your problem now, all I can do is laugh at you and make fun of your situation. Sorry. HAHAHA! I guess this is my way of comforting people, my way of showing people I care. Because if I really don't give two shits about you, I won't even bother responding. Sorry for being an insensitive ass. I love youu. :D

Tell your mummy, Shieng is going to smile, really really smile, happily.

I'm changing, to be better. At least I'm trying. Heh. (: Future awesome Shieng, I'll see you soon. xo.

2011

2012-01-05T11:34:00.004+08:00

- Went to a foreign country without my family.
- Rent a house, quite impulsively, glad that my housemates aren't psychos.
- Making new friends, great housemates.
- Did grocery shopping alone.
- Know the price of vegetables, fruits, meat and stuff.
- Wash my own clothes, operate the washing machine and dryer by myself.
- Went to church.
- Cooked and still suck at it.
- Took public transport and walked alone without the fear of being kidnap.
- Travelled to Perth and Sydney.
- Vomited on a flight.
- Cried for a paper that I thought I would fail.
- Learn a little Indonesian.
- Hair dyed in three tones.
- Had martabak! Craving for it now.
- Played Dota and Tetris Battle with housemates, lifeless moments. HAHA!
- Learned to download series and songs.
- Dislike coffee a little less, but still can't accept those made at home by myself.
- Witnessed random awesome kindness, felt it.
- Keep in touch with Sim Ann, receiving gift and letters from her.

These are things I did in 2011 which I consider as my first times, memorable? I don't know what to categorise this random things, but this is just part of the list. HAHA! Just felt like writing them down, to remind myself that I did learn a few things in 2011.

Eyes opened.

Key

2011-12-31T16:50:00.002+08:00

I'm going to recall all the happenings in 2011, And keep everything in the box and shut it off. In need of a new start. Thanks for all the memories people and sorry to all whom I had offended this year. I hope everyone have a great 2012! (:

Wave and Smile

2011-12-27T17:41:00.001+08:00

I'm really really sad that you turn out to be my Karma. (:

IMMIB

2011-12-27T09:28:00.001+08:00

I'm waiting for that day, the day where I can be normal again. I'm tied up to a person who is not around anymore. I hope, wishful thinking. (:

False Hopes

2011-12-21T21:32:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to say, I just have the feeling I need to say something. I don't allow myself to take this step because I'm afraid if I take it, I'll be the person I used to be, the person that other people thought I am and maybe still think that I am. It's funny that I have zero confidence for the person I am now, a very fragile spot, easily destroy.

Optimus Prime

2011-12-20T23:55:00.004+08:00

Breakfast with parents, almost everyday. We'll see how long I'm able to sustain this activity. Ha. Slowly walking towards the friend zone. Coming back here, will make it so much easier for me, I hope. At least I'm not alone stuck in Melbourne and kept drowning myself with all those negative thoughts. Unnecessary.

十二月没有六号的? 如果真的可以把过去的时间就这样的散除，
我想把今年的下半年的时间全画上一个X。

Malaysia, Truly Asia

2011-12-16T17:04:00.002+08:00

I'm back, rolling around Tanah Airku. :D

Namun

2011-12-09T21:21:00.000+08:00

I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.

Guilty

2011-12-06T21:03:00.002+08:00

I feel like jotting down this story somewhere, just in case I forgotten. All this blabbering is for the future me, and I suck at telling story, so if you guys find this boring then there's nothing much I can do about it. D: Ha.

I get to know this really nice girl in 2008, she was with her then boyf who I thought was her brother, because both of them are like a twins. Same clothing, same smile, and they go everywhere together. Really cute. I consider us a normal friends back then, not too close but more than just a hi-bye friends. After graduating, we just slowly drifted apart and she was just another of my ex-collegemate. Little did I know, she is going to have such impact on me years later.

In 2011, I met her again, this time in a different country. It was my orientation week and so happen she is studying in the same university as me. I joined the club that she was promoting, went for the meetings every week for one whole semester. She asked for my final exam timetable, she wished me every night/morning right before each of my paper. It's really nice and warm to receive such message knowing someone out there cares about me. My selfish self acted out again, so during the second semester I stopped going to the weekly meetings for the club. So, we sort of back to the whole normal friends stage again. Then she asked for my final exam timetable again, this semester. I was shocked because you know, I performed my whole selfish act for one semester. She did wished me for each papers. So, I met her a few days ago in Coles, she heard that I'm eating bread for dinner. So, she suggested to deliver the Pumpkin Risotto and Tiramisu that she cooked to my house.

I never believe that people can be genuinely nice, genuinely good. If you ask me this few years ago, I'll confidently tell you that this type of people already extinct. I don't know where did I learn this from, I've always categorized everyone as selfish and somehow it shaped me into being a very selfish person. To me, being nice is just for a show and I'll find all sorts of distorting reasons to explain a kind deed. But she showed me, they haven't extinct just yet. Everything she does, I can't find any reason to not believe that her kindness is real. Who is she trying to show off her act of kindness to when she did all those things to me? No one. To be honest, I don't think I'll be able to do all the things she did for me, to some random friend.

I learned a lot from her, Thank you. I doubt you'll ever read this but thank you. (: You made a girl in Melbourne feels at home again, a girl who was mentally lost for awhile because loneliness and homesickness are eating her up.

Gyu Tan Don

2011-12-06T19:24:00.002+08:00

I was in an emotional roller coaster ride for the past weeks, emotionally wrecked. I even succumbed to thinking negatively of everyone's actions, in order to make myself feel better. I keep planting negative thoughts into myself and trying to convince myself that everything is going to screw up no matter what I do. Then I'll feel guilty for doing that, the cycle will just keep repeating, going round and round. At one point, I thought this crap is never going to end. I felt as though the whole world is against me. I'm glad I climbed out from the hellhole which I dug and buried myself into. I can't say I'm entirely fine now, but I'm better, at least I think so. I took off my glasses, cleaned them and looked through everything in a clearer view now. All in all, we had a good time, memories, feelings and lessons from each other. You taught me a lot, I'm grateful for that. (: I don't want to ever forget that, I don't want to feel the guilt of putting you into the forever-negative box.

One day, I'll laugh reading this post. Or maybe I'll struggle thinking who was this post dedicated to? LMAO! Because Sim Ann has already forgotten her addiction on May 2010, maybe same thing will happen to me. For now, I honestly hope I won't forget this. This ambiguous thing that I once treasured and hold on so tightly to it until I lost myself for awhile. Ha. (:

(:

2011-12-02T17:51:00.001+08:00

Thnks fr th mmrs.

Trapped

2011-12-01T17:01:00.003+08:00

I'm disappointed, disappointed with myself, with you, with everything that I thought was worthy for this fight.

"Someone Like You"

2011-12-01T10:45:00.001+08:00

"Yes, but I hate the thought of that."

Favourite

2011-11-26T17:01:00.002+08:00

I have 1 million or so, of this type of narcissistic pictures. I'm bored and I'm going to die, haha! So, if I don't get a job next week, I'll call every living thing I know who are still in Melbourne and suck their soul out of them. Ok, enough of my bullshit. Sorry.

On a total unrelated subject, I'm wondering why do People always doubt the word "favourite" from me. I mean it when I say it.

I'll be going home if I don't get any job ASAP. ((;

Yummy

2011-11-24T15:22:00.002+08:00

Please make me this, please please?! Noms. ((:

Anywhere but here

2011-11-23T14:41:00.001+08:00

I'm willing to go through the pain of someone leaving me twice, for you. If this happened maybe years before, I don't think it will play the same way as now. I'm glad I know you later, knowing you when I'm the now me. People always ask me will I wish to know you earlier, no. No matter how ambiguous it is now, I'm still happy we met. Whatever we have always have an expiry date, but I never regret it. You're a good influence, (: spongebob. I'm glad we met.

Impulsive

2011-11-22T17:01:00.001+08:00

A Life without regret ain't worth living. It's good to follow your instincts. Let yourself get caught up in the moment every once in awhile. Sometimes consequences are worth it. I'm not cautious, I don't take calculative risks.

Yay?

2011-11-21T00:19:00.001+08:00

I just did something really pathetic. Even I myself want to laugh at my doing. -.- hello pathetic kid. You deserve a smack in the face, kid.

Blizzard

2011-11-20T20:05:00.003+08:00

Deactivated both Twitter and Facebook, take a break from social networks. I'm pretty sure I'll reactivate them soon, Just need some time off. ((:

John Mayer

2011-11-19T23:37:00.001+08:00

I slept at 2am/3am, kept waking up, finally got up at 3pm. Bathed and ate. I'm sleepy since 10pm, my eyes are so tired today. I'm sorry, eyes, I abused you guys today and produced over the quota. I promise I won't tomorrow, but I can't promise the same won't happen again on Monday. ):

I don't know what to feel, or how to feel anymore. Time to toughen up, I'm not that cupu, lmao?

Spencer Reid

2011-11-19T15:24:00.000+08:00

Me gusta?

2011-11-19T06:11:00.001+08:00

Woke up with a bucket of tears, it hits me hard when I see my usual message don't get the usual 2 ticks and I don't want to send to the other phone, I feel weird. The day is finally here. Whether I like it or not, this is how I'm going to feel for some time.

I'm glad I could hold my tears last night and not be a baby in front of people. Take care Shieng.

Red Orange

2011-11-14T18:15:00.001+08:00

A trip, trip down the memory lane, short and sweet. (: Fra-la-la! I shouldn't be sad.

Awkwardly

2011-11-13T17:08:00.002+08:00

I really don't like the fact that this semester is ending, coming to an end...expiring. But at the same time, I'm looking forward for it to end too, 3 months of Summer break (who could say no to that?) and I'm curious on how I'm going to cope with the big bang that I'm going to face very very soon. I really think I'm the most unhealthy human around, I'm actually looking forward to know what's the level of sorrow I'll be going through and how I'm going to handle it. Self abuse, self inflict pain. I'm abnormal.

Refuse to be me

2011-11-11T09:58:00.002+08:00

This is how I look like right now, lazying on my bed, refuse to wake up, refuse to admit that I still have 2 papers, and refuse to admit that time is slipping away even if I don't let it to.

Tak Lagi

2011-11-07T12:12:00.003+08:00

Suddenly feel like time is such a significant belonging that I've been neglecting. I'm going to appreciate this last weeks of final exam because Sim Ann said I should make good use of this time in a happy way and not to use it to be slumped and down. :') It's so beautiful and happy, I will have a hard time letting it go, but I can do this. I'm not as weak as I thought I am, and I know no matter what happened I'll have Sim Ann and my family as my backbone.

Sorrow

2011-11-01T10:48:00.003+08:00

"Then we'll lure Tsunami in to wash it all away."

Unexpected

2011-10-20T17:47:00.000+08:00

Yes, You You. (:

Square One

2011-10-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

After 3 years or was it 2? Same thing happened again, but this time is worse. I can't believe I allow myself to step into this. Already did, so too bad for you Chen Chin Shieng. Live with it. (: And you won't die because of this. I'm sure, very very sure.

I

2011-10-17T07:19:00.000+08:00

RAISA- Apalah (Arti Menunggu)

Belittle

2011-10-12T11:02:00.004+08:00

Just read her blog, which makes me feel like blogging. Even though my head is empty, I don't have anything that I want to rant about. So, I'll post a picture and type whatever that comes along. I'm listening to Elliot Yamin's Wait For You now, posted by Kah Kee on Facebook. I reluctantly clicked on the play button. I always have this love-hate relationship with this song, I can tell you I hate this song a lot but I actually really like this song. HAHA! I used to love this song when I'm 17, I like the tune and his voice, was hoping he could win American Idol. But then at that time, there's this boy who told me to not like a song if you don't understand the meaning of the song.

If my memory serves me right, this is what happened that day, the day I couldn't like Elliot Yamin anymore. I was in the car and he was driving, this song was playing on the radio. I decided to tell him, "This song is awesome, my current favourite song." And he decided to bomb me and said don't just like a song for its tune/singer, you have to look at the lyrics too. We were having some technical difficulties and I guess he felt that liking that song was like me mocking him? Until now, I can't like this song anymore. This is how a really small matter could affect me. And now, I'm laughing while reminiscing about it. Truth is, I don't always put myself first in the list. Just most of the time :D

Sim and I always make fun of our current situation, where both of us sort of switched places emotionally. Last year, I'm the one who don't cry over small little or big huge things, I have very stubborn tears. Whereas that woman will be the one who cries about everything, in relation to herself and me. So, I'll be the one with less emotion, while she will be the one full of emotion and has no problem expressing them. This year, my tear ducts soften, I cry over every little things happening around me. I don't cry while watching show before this, but now I do. Sim is all man up now, which is good, we need a balance in this relationship. I guess exposing myself to a whole new environment, made me more vulnerable.

I've changed, I realise I change every year, and they're drastic changes. Every year, I'll have different friends telling me that they don't know me anymore, they don't recognise me anymore, they said I've changed. But what's wrong with changing? I don't like staying constant, I get bored easily, unfortunately it also applies to myself. The changes I've been through are mostly unintentional. I'm like an iguana; camouflage, blends in and adapt according to the changed environments. Sim is the only one who can adapt and adopt to my changes. A friend wouldn't just tell you that you change, they'll learn and get use to the change. We're still counting, when will we stop doing that for each other? Or will we stop? I hope I won't stray away from this friendship again. HAHA! We're so gay, okay, enough, bye.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

2011-10-10T07:31:00.004+08:00

I found out that he passed away through BBM and I thought my friend was kidding, until I saw all the tweets on Twitter. Didn't really plan to blog about it until I stumbled upon this video, Steve Jobs telling 3 stories from his life. (:

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Weird, apparently

2011-10-09T19:36:00.001+08:00

I know an asshole, this asshole never fail to make me laugh. :D

Words

2011-10-08T23:51:00.005+08:00

Past few days have been really really difficult, felt like everything that can go wrong went wrong. Everything I see, hear, say and type are unpleasant. Sorry for all the pain/annoyance that I caused. It will be really easy to blame it on my period, LMAO, because I am having it now. But of all people, I know that it's not the cause of all this mess and I'm lazy to lie to myself. I know I'm able to live through this, I know I can do this. The problem is how and when will this end, I've no idea. But what I know now is Sunday, today, will be the last day I let myself swallow in this emotional dirt. On Monday, all I can't do is be sad. I'll treat it like all the past I had been through, I don't give any shit no matter what feedback I get. Fuck everything, Yes.

I used to tell Sim Ann everything on the spot, live reporting. But I can't do it now, because I have too much shits in my head, I feel like I'm burdening her and I don't want to do that. That's why I only talk to her once a week now, or less. All I want to tell her now is I'm happy again, but that would have to wait. Hah. I don't know how to handle this, I don't know what's the right/best thing to do now, so I choose to isolate myself and fix things alone. Never really like talking to people about my problems because no matter how many people I tell the problems to and no matter how many times I repetitively telling the problems, they can't solve by complaining. Why bother feeding your problem to other people who will make them feel useless for not being able to help?

Sleeping is a problem now. To fall asleep, very difficult. To wake up, equally difficult. My sleeping problem just worsen.

You speak the right words at the right time, but also with the wrong words at the wrong time. You have the ability to do that, I hate it. My ankle is tied to your chain. You know what, I'm going to saw my ankle off, right about now.

(: Party Rock.

Expiration

2011-10-07T16:33:00.003+08:00

Sunday will be my last day being her, I'll stop feeling her feelings. I really need to stop. After Sunday, I'm new..

Kills

2011-10-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

What will you be doing in 5 years time?

Have you ever asked that to yourself? I did and what I pictured wasn't pleasant, I imagined myself working, doing something clearly I don't fancy much. I've been watching Skins lately, I think it is the most messed up series I've ever watched, but it taught me something. I can't live my life as I please all the time. Even though I know I'll be doing things that I hate, I can't really just cease and sacrifice everything in order to avoid doing them. Do you stop dreaming, just because you don't want to put too high of a hope on things, because you don't want to expect too much and disappoint yourself in the end. I choose not to. Not that I like to disappoint myself, I just like to play this imagination-expectation-crap along with my curiosity. If I make any sense, rambling, gibberish.

I like being curious. (:

Ecstatic, again

2011-10-03T10:50:00.002+08:00

I'm finally done with all my assignments and presentations for this semester. WOOT! :D I'm the happiest girl alive right now, I shall put aside the fact that final is in a month time and I'm already in Week 10. If I get to go back to Malaysia during this summer break, I will eat Bak Kut Teh at least once a day, because there's no substitutes in Melbourne, not even ONE is considered pass.

T

2011-10-03T00:34:00.001+08:00

他有她。
他并不会伤心。
独自沉受这个痛。
是你的沉罚。
因为这样才算公平。

Popping Bottles

2011-10-01T19:49:00.002+08:00

I'm reading my old blog and I couldn't continue reading because I can't stop laughing at the way I wrote those posts. I was so childish, but in my defense I was 16 (I think? High school times). LMAO! I want to slap the 16 years old me now. And there's this one post which I expressed intense hatred towards shisha when I was 15, -.-! Hypocrite, I know I know. But I'm 20 now, lol. A different me, :D.

India, actually

2011-10-01T16:41:00.003+08:00

Hello world. Sim told me that to start a blog post is as difficult as starting an assignment. I totally disagree with that because I don't think much when I'm typing here. I'll let the words flow from my brain and straight to my fingers, without any hesitation. I don't need to care what feedback I'll get from this post, because it doesn't matter to me at all. Writing this blog is basically for me to recall whatever I gone through before this, to reminisce, just for myself. If there's someone reading this, means you're a really nice friend who wants to catch up with my nonsensical musings, or you're just a random stranger who stumbled upon this blog by accident, unlucky for you though. However, writing an essay/report/whatsoever for assignment, I'll have to make a plan. I need to have a nice starting sentence, if it's not I'll feel that my essay is dead. Yeah, that's the only part I care about for my assignments. HAHA! I'm not examined after writing a blog post, unlike assignments. Sigh. I really don't think Monash knows the meaning of Mid Semester Break, it should be called a Mid Semester Study-At-Home-Week(?) instead. I don't know what am I talking, lmao!

In defense of this so-called Break, I did had fun, I went to Sydney and discovered that Melbourne is actually a kampung in Australia. HAHA! I want to go back to Sydney, so that I can continue eating my heart out and roll on the sand by the beach. :D

Greater China

2011-09-30T15:20:00.002+08:00

Melbourne's weather has been a huge pain in the butt butt for the past few days, non-stop raining. The weather stripped off the slightest bit of drive I have left for studies. I have a 35% worth of 3000 words essay, which I haven't start researching on. I just looked at the question and it's not as easy as I thought. I'm dead. I always get the post-mid-semester-break-laziness, where I tend to live my life as holiday-ish as possible even after the break and slaaaaaaaaaaaack all the way until I reach desperation/death mode. International business, please be easy on me. :D

Gape

2011-09-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

I'm back from Sydney. I want to go back to Sydney.

Sydney

2011-09-23T10:48:00.002+08:00

Here we go again, (:

Occupied

2011-09-21T16:03:00.003+08:00

My usual hyper-retarded-nonsensical-self will be back in t minus 23 hours. I'll be neglecting my blog again though because I don't come here when I'm not emotional or bored. I'm currently drowning in desperation, D: Mati saya!

2011

2011-09-20T19:56:00.003+08:00

I'm twenty, no longer belong to the teen category. I'm old and wise now. My wise ranking just dropped a star for saying that. Too much of Tetris Battle. Thanks family, housemates and friends for wishes, cakes and presents. I'm so blessed to have them who put an effort in trying to make my first away-from-home birthday a good one. I'm lucky to have great old friends who stuck around even after I isolated myself from you all and glad to make great new friends who shed light on me when I was in my self-made hell-hole. (:

"I'm glad I didn't celebrate my birthday alone lonely, like yours *coughs* and like how I expected and imagined it to be before I came here. Thanks for everything. I had a great twenty."

New Perspective

2011-09-20T19:32:00.004+08:00

I opened up all possible websites that contributed in distracting me off my assignment previously. My plan is to feed myself with all of them on one go, then I'll close everything and start focusing on the important one. I've been playing the same song on repeat the whole day. It's been quite some time since I listen to Mandarin songs. Mainly because I hate them when I'm in happy mood, one thing I'm very sure is majority of Mandarin songs are very very very soul-sucking and they tend to make everything everyone gloomy. I hate the singer of this song, but the lyrics are so well formed? The lyrics are playing the current life of almost everyone important to me, everything I heard and saw are so relatable to this song. This song also reminded me of my past mistakes and it makes me start to wonder all the possible what ifs circling around those mistakes. What if I chose to do all the opposites of whatever I did before this, will I be happier now? What if I tweaked my perspective for a certain thing, will I end up in a better position now? I know nobody has an exact answer for me, but what I know is I'm very greedy, so no matter what I had chose, I'll still end up in the same position as now, doubting every choice that I had made. I promised myself a few weeks ago, after the expiration, I'll try to change. I'm rambling, assignments and Mandarin songs make me GALAU. (:

One random thing, my next aim is to learn and understand Willy and Aldo's dialect, I don't like not knowing what people is saying. Have a good night everyone.

Heart and Head

2011-09-19T18:29:00.002+08:00

Time

2011-09-19T18:24:00.002+08:00

"Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening, the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cents of course? Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86400 seconds. Every night, it writes off as lost, whatever of these you have failed to invest to a good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposit, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against 'tomorrow'. You must live in the present of today's deposit. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success. The clock is running. Make the most of today."

Stolen from Tumblr. I tend to not appreciate the time I have. I don't know why.

Life

2011-09-18T08:33:00.001+08:00

Nobody’s ever who they seem to be.

However, if they ARE that predictable, you wouldn’t have stuck on in the first place or it would've been a boring ride no?

Nothing is ever satisfactory.

Reality is a Bitch

2011-09-12T15:56:00.000+08:00

Everyday I Am

2011-09-04T11:30:00.001+08:00

And just might be the next best thing but not quite me.
Today, Eminem and Lil Wayne.

Blabbered On and On

2011-09-02T20:57:00.003+08:00

"I'll have a morbid discussions with my head every night before I sleep about the meaningless of life when everything had already been done. The world stretched out before us not as a slate of possibility, but as a maze of well-worn grooves like the ridges burrowed by insects in hardwood. Step off the straight and narrow career-and-materialism groove and you just end up on another one - the groove for people who step off the main groove. And that groove was worn indeed, where some of the grooving done by our own parents. Everywhere we imagined ourselves standing turned into a cliche beneath our feet. To us it seemed as though the archetypes were all hackneyed by the time our turn came to graduate, including that of the black-clad deflated intellectual, which we were trying on at that very moment. Crowded by the ideas and styles of the past, we felt there was no open space anymore. Of course it's a classic symptom of teenage narcissism to believe that the end of history coincides exactly with your arrival on earth. Almost every angst-ridden teenager finds her own groove eventually. Still, there is a part of my teen globo-claustrophobia that has never left me, and in some ways only seems to intensify as time creeps along. What haunts me is not exactly the absence of literal space so much as a deep craving for metaphorical space: release, escape, some kind of open-ended freedom."

Ethical

2011-09-02T18:59:00.003+08:00

I'm at the end of Week 6 of my second last semester of my degree life. Everything moves in such a fast pace, they're beyond my grasp. I don't even have a second to just ponder on things, I want to do that, I always have enough time to do that before this. Why can't I do it now? I have so many things in my head and they don't seem to make any sense to me. They're like missing pieces of puzzles from a few different sets of puzzles, I can't piece them together, I've never been so unclear about my life before, I want a way out. I need a breather. I'm in a room full of friends and laughter, but I can't do the same, unless I put on a mask. I almost cried out here, I had to take in deep breaths to stop myself from showing my random and nonsensical emotions.

I really feel like crying very very hard. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I feel like things are getting so heavy and I'm unable to carry them anymore. I even ended up dragging them through a short journey before I stop entirely....cease everything now. I just want to runaway, far far away.

Please tell me this is PMS, I hope my period comes tomorrow, then at least I have an excuse to be all gloomy and down. I really think PMS is just an excuse we girls made up for the sake of throwing tantrums just for the fun of it.

Wake me up when September ends.

Every Little Thing

2011-08-23T19:37:00.006+08:00

I'm supposed to be bathing now, but my butt is stuck on the chair. Anyway, all I want to do now is type out as many words as possible and make them into a sentence. Like now, I just over-elaborated on my typing and over-explaining my typing. I just want to make this nonsense post as long as possible. I'm training my bullshitting skill now for future usage for my assignments which all are going to due soon and so close to each other, Monash University is a sadist and it feels happy inflicting pain on their students, especially students like me who always suffer the most due to our laziness. But I don't have the mood to do anything about it yet, I'm helpless and I can't work without the deadline is tomorrow pressure. I've never really tried doing my assignments early because I always have this reason to support my procrastination. I guess I already planted it on my mind that I can never work without pressure. I slack more this semester compared to last semester, I'm dead. I can totally picture the whole image of my forced cramping shits into my brain one day before exam, exactly what happened the last semester. No, actually, this semester will be worse than the last semester. On a total unrelated topic, my internet is the shits, on and off and on and off again, messing with me when I'm already in the most messed up mood. gaahh, -.-

I. Unintentionally. Typed. Out. A. Lot. Of. "Shit".

I'm sorry for viewers who are pregnant, have weak heart condition or kids who are still innocent and never sworn before (I can't really state an age for that now, kids' swearing nowadays WOW me all the time). Okbye.

Odd

2011-08-22T19:31:00.003+08:00

All I want is just a breather from all these nonsensical things that I put myself through. I want to drown myself into the water now and swim hard, so that I can block off all other noises made by them. All I can hear is the water and myself grasping for air. I'm in the library now, listening to songs while reading. I can see their mouth moving and hand gestures while talking, but I have no interest in learning what they're saying at all. I just want to stone alone. I want to be under the spotlight that Mr. Bean always get at the end of his show, everything else is pitch-black and my focus is only on me. I hate how I can't do this now, short attention span. I miss being ignorant to things.

Let me Shut Down now.

Circle

2011-08-20T12:33:00.002+08:00

Today is a Saturday, just in case there's someone out there who is as retarded as I am who thought today is a Friday/Sunday. Guessed the day wrongly twice. My cravings list is getting longer and longer and longer, my weight also getting heavier and heavier. Sigh. I hate Australia, this place makes me fat! I woke up at 10am and rolled on my bed for hours. I'm getting lazier and lazier nowadays, I procrastinate everything. I want to change! But even changing requires energy and time, which means I'm choosing to procrastinate it too. Yay? -______- If only I found the cure of laziness. I'm bored, getting very random again. I'm going to call my mumsy now, okbye.

Oh, and to remind myself, lol. Something weird happened today, something unexpected.

Higher

2011-08-17T11:49:00.002+08:00

I'm stoning with my laptop at the front porch now, when the rain is pouring. If only I smoke, then this whole picture will be more complete. I suddenly felt like torturing myself with this cold, wearing shorts and T-shirt chill outside my house. Actually this cold isn't that bad, not the killing cold, is just the optimal level of cold which makes me very lazy. I have a class later and the weather is not in anyway encouraging me to go class, but I MUST GO! For the sake of my tutorial participation marks. Sigh. My house is the most friendly and welcoming in the neighbourhood, our gate is always open and our door is not lock most of the time. My thoughts are everywhere now, I don't even know what I'm saying here and why am I out here. Richard just came home and asked what am I doing out here. I don't even know why, so I answered him "Stoning."

Stoning. Stoning. Goodbye Wind.

Invasion

2011-08-15T23:06:00.005+08:00

This is what Melbourne does to people, this is what Turner Street does to people, this is what Campuswalk 2 does to people. LMAO! Kidding, It's suppose to be this is what Chen Chin Shieng does to herself. I just dyed my hair with a blonde hair dye, and ended up with a darker hair colour. From brown to black. Loreal Mousse Foam thingy FAIL! Oh, and these pictures are inspired by the hair-dye's smell, I just wanted to smell it. Retarded, -.-! Goodnight people. ((:

Fonder

2011-08-09T11:47:00.003+08:00

Severed by the sharp knife of a short life. I want to have the ability to pull time, lol, literally pulling them longer and longer. So everything can be played in a really slow pace. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and months to years.

LOL

2011-08-01T16:19:00.001+08:00

No, but I find this funny.

What Not To Love?

2011-07-26T00:33:00.001+08:00

Super Bass

2011-07-22T15:33:00.004+08:00

Today the house is so empty. Sarah and Helen are not back yet. Felix went to the city to find his girlfriend. Richard went to the city too. Leo is out with his girlfriend. New guy went out early in the morning. I'm home with Willy but he is isolating himself in the room, to get some rest before his Mt Buller trip tomorrow. I'm browsing in the living room now, having some Me time which I didn't get much during this whole winter break. I love and hate Me time, is either I'll really enjoy it and do anything I want or I'll just suffocate myself with a whole bunch of unnecessary thoughts. Today, I settled with the latter one. I should get back to Youtube before I die from this suffocation.

Randomly

2011-07-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

I have a very peculiar habit, I like to smell people. I like people who smell nice and I can remember people’s scent better than their names and faces.

Dry

2011-07-20T08:09:00.000+08:00

You have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them. This habit of yours is very annoying, even my mum doesn't nags as much as you do. Wait, yours is not really consider nagging, it's more on mocking, pushing and scolding. Please find better things to do.

I can't sleep, so I'm cranky. ):

fra-la-la

2011-07-09T23:36:00.001+08:00

Why is it so difficult to have faith in myself? -_-

Unwell

2011-07-09T21:45:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting at this spot in the living room since hours ago, from 3 people on the sofa to 2 people and now just one, only me at this spot. Doing nothing and allow my thoughts to float around. Suddenly I remember that my result is coming out this Monday, which makes me feel so heavy, not physically but mentally. Sigh. I can't afford to fail, the amount of crap I had caused for my dad, mum and sister. ):

Trip Them

2011-07-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

I've been busy doing the same thing for the past 2 weeks. We'll wait for Turner's personal alarm clock to wake us up, after procrastinating until very very late, then we'll head to gym. Dinner, either homecook or eat Thai food. I'm waiting for the moment when all of us are jelak with Thai food. We will procrastinate our bathing time, then we'll go to Campuswalk 2, our gaming and movie spot. We'll go home after we're done playing.

My holiday will be the same cycle of these activities.

Tonight, we've decided to stay home tonight and I realised we're pretty lifeless and bored without the usual gaming/movie activity. Inception, it is then.

BBT

2011-07-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

This is why I love Sheldon ((:

飞

2011-06-24T13:49:00.001+08:00

很爱过，直到在也不会在爱了, 或是不想，还是觉得不应该了。

Falling

2011-06-14T11:49:00.002+08:00

FAT! I hate exams. lol!

I had put Trust for a test, I relied on another Trust to test the first Trust. I realised both Trust failed. I'm just being very paranoid right now, maybe it's not the way I see it.

Commercial Banking

2011-06-11T12:31:00.004+08:00

Messing with Photobooth while listening to lectures online. Others are studying so hard on a normal table and chair, I'm still messing around and trying to study on the couch, OMFG! SLEEEEEEEEEP AGAIN. ((:

I taught my friends Hokkien, taught him the word "Pui", he starts calling me Ah Pui now. FML ):

Time and Time again

2011-06-06T18:31:00.002+08:00

This is my Fuck Investment Face. Sigh. I just took these with Photobooth, which proves that this subject is really boring as hell.

Turning Tables

2011-06-06T16:50:00.001+08:00

“You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.”

- William Shakespeare

Fear of the Future

2011-06-04T23:02:00.003+08:00

I cried watching this, cried so hard until my face looks bengkak and funny now. I miss my mum. I can't imagine myself not arguing with her, I can't imagine myself not making fun of her lame lines, I can't imagine my already-dead-quiet-house without her, I can't imagine not having her reminding me about everything...

I can't imagine myself without her. I miss you, mum.

That was there, and only then.

2011-06-04T12:46:00.005+08:00

This is what I want to tell myself, and everyone who is alive right now.

-

Those friends who only talk to you when they know you're sad, are they genuinely concern about you or they're just trying to dig in on another piece of gossip? No matter what intentions they have, you will convince yourself that they genuinely care because you need the attention to get over whatever hell that you're going through anyway, so why not? Both parties with a mask on, one pretending to care and the other pretending that it's true. This is like a mutual relationship between two parasites.

This sudden realisation came from a story I've heard a few days ago, I'm guilty for being the one who wanted to pretend that I care. But I've decided to not do it, save the trouble for both of us pretending to do something we clearly not wanting to do for real. I'm sorry to even have the slightest thought of doing it, I hope for the best for you.

True friends will be with us through thick and thin, so what do we call those who only comes around during bad times? The comforting words given, are they all true or is just another hoax? True friends will be with us throughout everything, both happiness and sadness. Not just one of them.

Life

2011-06-02T19:27:00.002+08:00

Apart from being a fine game, Tetris is also a perfect mirror of the human condition. For a while the game is entertaining, and we seem to have mastered it and are having fun. Then, something goes wrong — a rash mistake, or an unfulfilled wish, and we’re fighting to repair the damage, but we’ve been thrown off-balance, and everything is piling up. Blocks that were once orderly and harmonious are jumbled and filled with holes, and our cup is on the verge of running over. There’s always a point at which we stop planning for the future, and realize that we don’t have one — all we can do is cling to the present and concentrate, focus our minds on what it’s like to be alive, to play the game, before it’s all over.

You were waiting for a four-by-one block that never came.

Sometimes we resist to the bitter end, moving blocks left and right without thought or care, just to hang on, and sometimes we accept the inevitable and pull the blocks down to us, smiling inwardly at the great joke. The rest is silence.

I found this analysis of Tetris, which is one of my favourite games when I was a kid. Black and white screen, with simple buttons like a plus sign button, A and B. (:

Pride

2011-05-29T00:49:00.001+08:00

I intend to do this and that, live with no regrets.

Fluctuate

2011-05-20T21:49:00.002+08:00

I just called my mum, I have so much to tell her but when she answered, I just choked on all the words that I wanted to say. So, I told her I'll call her tomorrow, then I cried.

I hate exams.

Ok, I feel happy now.

Rapture?

2011-05-20T21:06:00.001+08:00

Apparently 21st of May 2011 is doomsday, according to an old man. If he didn't predict doomsday multiple times and got all of them wrong, I'll believe him because he looks quite wise. Honestly, please don't let me die tomorrow, please postpone it to next year. So, that I won't die alone here. LMAO! If it really is going to end, I hope I'll be eating (shisha also can) when all the kababoom-kapapoof-doom-doom happens, and I want to be around my family. ((: how you want you to end?

I want to eat/shisha while hugging my mum's leg. Since I'm dying, I wouldn't mind my mum knows about my shisha habit.

Voice

2011-05-18T20:18:00.003+08:00

I avoid looking around when I was walking just now because I know how likely it is for me to see you there today. Reaching home not seeing you is a relief. I hate walking around when the fear of seeing the both of you is so overwhelming. I hate how all this small detail is consuming me. I hate this place. I can never find a sense of belonging here. Wherever I go, or whoever I'm with, I just feel so restricted, lost and exposed. I just want to feel I belong, somewhere?

I feel like a nothing here. Zero.

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這世界笑了於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則不是你的選擇
於是妳含著眼淚飄飄盪盪跌跌撞撞的走著

Hope

2011-05-14T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm ashamed of myself. My sister and I planned for me to go back to Malaysia during my Winter break last Saturday. I was excited like a monkey, I guess only VJ saw how happy was I because I was waiting for my curry chicken in his house. On the same night, my sister asked me to call her because mum wants to talk to me. They were having mother's day dinner, so I thought she just wanted me to wish her. Then I found out that my sister just told her about the I'm-going-home-during-winter-break plan, which she disagreed, very politely. To be honest, I was really sad and disappointed, cried for a bit. All the disappointments just plagued my mind and I kept thinking of all sorts of nonsense reasons in my head. But I got over it. Today, my sister asked me to call her again, apparently my mum thought that I'm angry with her, which is why I didn't call her for a week. It's actually very normal because I always call her once a week before this. My sister went on and on, explained to me all the reasons why my mum doesn't agree that I go home, which makes me feel like crap. I was so sad, disappointed and angry at her, she is actually doing it for me, thinking far ahead for me. I'm so sorry, I should've put myself in your shoes, just like how you always do for me. I hate myself for thinking that you might actually be happy for not having me around, I hate hate myself for having that thought in my mind even just for a second.

A paranoid mother and a paranoid daughter.

Fra-La-La

2011-05-09T21:47:00.005+08:00

I'm planning to start studying for finals, supposingly to be today but tomorrow will still do? (: Wish me luck. Hopefully all positive energy and mother of all hardworking-ness will be with me. The mother and father of all procrastination will just voluntarily walk out of me. I need a lot of luck and hard work! PLEASE! Let me do this right. Goodnight peanut butter jelly jam pancake chocolate ice cream cookie.

xo.

And there's nothing wrong with me,
This is how I'm supposed to be,
In a land of make believe,
That don't believe in me.

Coward

2011-05-04T20:32:00.005+08:00

At the first sight of him, I just want to drown into the crowd and hoping he will not catch a glimpse of me at all, not even the slightest bit. Because it's easier this way. The thought of making small talks with him and her is devastating. I'm damn sure I won't be able to pull through that. I remembered making a promise to myself that this will never happen, I will NEVER allow this to happen, ever. I naively thought I can continue doing it, until maybe forever? I will make the small little efforts to keep up with each other but not this time. I don't even want to be anywhere near the places that I might bump into you. I'm truly sorry for breaking this promise, I just can't do it anymore. I have lost this one precious diamond in my life and I've learned that forever is not easy. I'm glad that I knew you. I'll never regret knowing you, I just regret for letting this happen, not putting in any effort and just let it dies. That guilt stays, that's the only thing left.

We just walked pass each other, just like that. Good luck in everything. (:

Eye candy

2011-05-02T15:08:00.001+08:00

Again

2011-05-01T16:38:00.002+08:00

Something was bugging me, I was trying to recall when did I started it and get to know it. So, I tried reading every single posts I posted last year, because I'm very sure with the year it happened, just not the exact date or even month. I can remember the whole scene, just not the date. I like to remember my dates, it feels like I'm keeping track on things I did, doing and going to do. was it August? September? October? I know it's one of these three, I have my memory evidence for that. My habits annoy the shit out of me sometimes, one of them is definitely this whole remembering dates thing.

This is Love

2011-05-01T13:58:00.000+08:00

Damon Salvatore and Tyler Lockwood

Mastermind

2011-04-27T23:33:00.001+08:00

The only reason we had been holding on to it is because we had nothing better.
Period

Cheese Onion

2011-04-27T13:55:00.001+08:00

Determination, baby, determination.
I have to do this.

Mistreated

2011-04-18T22:38:00.003+08:00

I want to keep this idiotic smile.

This is my 555th post. I can't wait for the 666th post, so I will not change my blog's link no matter how tempted I am to do that. I'm studying for my mid term tomorrow, decided to rest for awhile before I start memorising. I called mummy, sis, daddy and the Eng cousins. So happy to hear their voices, which makes me want to slap myself for coming here. But I'm not going to complain further, whatever Sim said is right.

This is the longest 2 months in my life, feels like freaking 2 years. Funny how the second half of my 2010 passed so quickly, and now everything is playing in slow motion. But those good times is one of the reasons that make these 2 slow and dreadful months bearable. I'm proud that I finally got over that phase that I was caught into last year, feels so relieved to not be affected by the thing which I used to think is a pretty thing. Don't laugh Sim, I think it's pretty. Maybe the thing is not very pretty but I think the way I encountered with it is very pretty pretty in a twisted way. LMAO! I'll still laugh reminiscing how things can just happen in this manner. Fate was shown in a wrong way?

AND what's wrong for wanting something which is just ok? Just ok in everything. Sim said I'm greedy for asking too much. SAYA TIDAK AGREE!

Welcome to my silly life. (:

Pretty Pretty Please

2011-04-15T13:41:00.002+08:00

Made a wrong turn, once or twice.
Dug my way out, blood and fire.
Bad decisions, that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood.
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated.

Insignificant

2011-04-13T17:47:00.002+08:00

I suddenly feel very lost, lost in this university life. Lose track on where and what I'm doing. I know choosing business was reckless from the start, I just picked business because it's the easiest and most common option, nothing will go wrong. Then majoring in finance and economics, yet another reckless decision, why I never learn from my mistake? I always tell others and myself that I like finance the most, but I never really do good in it. Isn't that obvious enough that it's not my thing? I should've picked marketing or management major, I'm much better in both. Why do I always pick things that I think I like and throw off things that I'm good at?

I've been doing last minute studying for exams and last minute rushing assignment. I'm already in my 2nd semester of 2nd year, it's messing with my head. I'm starting to worry whether am I doing the right thing. I know it's too late for all this, but it's been bugging me. The path in front is getting narrower, I feel like it's so difficult to squeeze myself to fit in this path anymore. It seems so impossible to be done.

I'm just scared because I'm so close to working life. What if I can't survive? ): I feel like a nothing.

Sleep deprived, messing with my thoughts and sucking up all my positive energy. Pessimistic.

The Pact

2011-04-12T23:40:00.003+08:00

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?

Came across this line when I was in the library just now, a poem by Christopher Marlowe. "Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?". I'm not the most romantic person, nor even a little actually. lol, I'm a very lame girlfriend. But I believe that there is no greater love than love at first sight. I like the idea of first sight, love and fate joining together, making something so unrealistic into something real. So cliche but I like. I'm the type that if I like you from the first moment then it's done. If not, then there's whole lot of hard work to be done, I'm an ass like that. I hate my stupid peculiar habit, this habit had done more harm than good to me. But it's so addictive. I have always been like this but I just realise about this habit today, in the library while reading The Pact.

Both love and hate are decreed by fate for all and love starts at first sight itself by fate indeed. ((:

Sleeping pattern

2011-04-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

I've decided to sleep earlier today because I want to redeem back all the sleeping time that I had lost from Commercial Banking and Finance's assignment. People who I already wished goodnight must be wondering why am I awake and typing this out, I did not lie, just some noise woke me up. I could just go back to sleep immediately but I refuse to, because I feel like telling something very random. What woke me up just now was multiple whatsapp's notifications. I don't know about other phones but BB has this really annoying notifications' function where it make noise for every ONE message your friend send to you. Which means for every Enter that you press, I'll get annoyed by one notification sound for each one. Ok, this post isn't about me being pissed off by my BB notifications. Kawan, please don't stop BBM or whatsapp me. )):

The point of this post, which is also the random thingy is every time I get multiple notifications while I'm sleeping, will definitely remind me of your so-called being considerate and nice for cramping all the sentences into one message. So that I'll only get one notification and won't wake me up. Haha!! Only thought of this solution after waking me up several times, noob.

Goodnight world. It's raining tonight! So cold, I have my socks on. (:

Necessity

2011-04-11T17:54:00.001+08:00

Dr. Spencer Reid ♥♥

Nothing is impossible

2011-04-07T22:41:00.001+08:00

I just reached home from Burwood, had dinner with VJ. Just went through a little drama with public transport, waited 39 minutes for bus 903, then another 33 minutes for the wrong bus 900 and almost end up in Clayton. But it's all good now because I'm home. (:

Anyway, the point of this post is Chai Sim Ann. I came out from toilet just now, I went to the kitchen to off the lights. I walked pass the dining table and saw a brown envelope. I saw my name on it, it was a real quick glance, I've no idea how I spot it especially with that impossible handwriting. Haha! I don't even need to open the letter, the handwriting and the little note of "thank you postman" are already good enough for me to know which retard is responsible for it. I smiled like an idiot reading it.

I always thought long distance relationship/friendship, basically all bonds except family, will never work. I was a little afraid when I'm confirmed that I'm coming here, afraid to lose a friend like her. I always thought we'll just drift apart like every other friendships, like how we drifted apart last time. Before I leave, most people asked me how I'm going to survive without Sim Ann or how Sim Ann going to survive without me, I never know how to answer. But now I can tell you that, we don't need to learn how to survive without each other because we are still pretty much together. I know all the shits she plotting in her mind and she knows mine. I'm glad for BBM, skype and all the communication tools. She even used the most old school way, sending a letter that reached after a month or longer. She proved me wrong, she proved to me that as long we are willing to do some thing, there is no way that I'll fail or lose to it, unless I gave it up myself.

Coming to this place, I slowly changed, a hole is made in me, slowly swallowing and consuming me. She always manage to fill this little hole up before it consumes all of me, like my source of energy that always comes in a surprise manner. She just never fail to make me feel better, even from so far away. I don't know how I'm going to find a boyfriend to top the standard she put up.

I love you, baby. This post sounds freaking gay but I had to write this down, because she make me feel really gay (happy) now.